The Plight of One Miss Luna Tick Jones


Here is a super short tale inspired by the late Edgar Allan Poe, one fascinatingly weird dude…

The Plight of One Miss Luna Tick Jones
Michael Paine

 Supreme Court Briefing of Case 2734:

It would be purely augural to suspect that such occurrences of the ever changing winds or the dancing of the shadows would prove any particular value; however the One Miss Luna Tick Jones had an uncanny knack with such peculiar signs. The widespread consciences with which her perceptions are most agreeably well received have long been consumed by sagacious ears in drawing rooms and balls. Her extraordinary gifts of divination have historically provided the blessed assurance of securely avoiding certain peril on more than one hundred and fifty accounts. These platitudes thus being well established, it will come as no surprise to the attentive reader that the heretofore mentioned phenomenon of which this epistle is chiefly concerned is none other than the unhallowed works of what cannot be mistaken for anything other than a sibyl.

The undeniable evidence is bewildering to all decent members of the populace and has been expedited to the forefront of my esteemed offices’ attention to delineate the accusations brought forthwith upon the aforementioned One Miss Luna Tick. It has been established through much prudence that the quizzical activities which are to be comprehended as nothing short of bellicose attempts to hinder the welfare of our great Republic, that One Nation Under God, here recorded as the plaintiff instigating these proceeding trials. Under no failing shall the accursed party withstand one or any necessary undertakings by this body, the Highest Court of the Land, to terminate the bestial incarnation of the Dark Prince himself and his contemporary inhabitation of the wicked One Miss Luna Tick. The preliminary of which is as follows:

The hour being properly the final stroke of the center of night with which the moon most obviously being at its full, the guilty persons were transported attentively into the thickest of deep cedar woods ever present and always an habitat of things belonging to none other than Death himself, and were most astutely brought upon the intricately prepared Dipping Pool, complete with the appropriate rope suspension apparatus. The first detestable vessel to be cast into the ice cold liquid grave was none other than a familiar cohort of the One Miss Luna Tick, her former bridesmaid and bosom friend Miss Bee Wildered. Regarding this ceremonious ritual it is to be expressly noted the name of Miss Bee Wildered was cleared of all accounts of witchcraftery upon her removal from the watery grave with which her purple lips told no more lies and her soul thence being departed, it is of official record that Miss Bee Wildered was of no such disgraceful character.

On the contrary, the One Miss Luna Tick, the wretch, had thus being duly submitted in like manner to the Dipping Pool came thrice out pale, purple, and to her pleasantries, full of life. Her wailing banshee howls and river filling eye waters were greeted as vain attempts to feign innocence when no such absurd duffer, nay even the infamous town drunkard himself, would receive such futile endeavors as but what truth be told they were, contemptuous efforts and mockery of reform.

These ostentatious affairs being judiciously tabulated, it proceeds to mention the further trials essential to dispatch of the evil sibyl, the One Miss Luna Tick. Beyond a doubt and testified by the yet unmentioned harangue, her inconceivable survival of being burned at the stake is only able to be swallowed when it is noted the inconsistencies in which the sentence was carried out. In ill advised recklessness, the indicted being predisposed against the effects of the hastened conflagration was visibly understood by her aqueous state from the concluded proceedings moments before of being plunged into the Dipping Pool. Even the most horrific of holocaust are known to be adequately insufficient and impervious in contention against the Evil One when he possesses such a vulgar corpse being the One Miss Luna Tick and factually doused with fire’s antithesis. Thence it was of fundamental nature to pursue the apex of callous reproach for the reprobate scoundrel who had survived the fires fierce flames.

At this point it would behoove me to earnestly implore the reader that with their best interest at the highest of my concerns, the assuredly intricate and gruesome technicalities of the Final Trial will not be in full disclosure. Additionally, the secrecy of which must be maintained in preventative caution in order that counter-contrivances are astutely avoided. Let not your heart be troubled, oh genteel of readers, for the fate of the One Miss Luna Tick is to be disclosed as such as the case permits. Her current station being resolutely and rightly so returned to the side of her betrothed, who in great prudence orchestrated these proceedings on account of moral obligation to uphold his most esteemed office, that of Supreme Court Chief Justice. Henceforth, the One Miss Luna Tick will remain under intense scrutiny and watchful eye of the most trusted upholder of the Law.

On Official Court Record,

Supreme Court Chief Justice Jones


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