I didn’t want to get abducted. My heart raced as I ran threw the grass. They were coming. I was sure of it. They might capture me at any moment.
I was terrified of the idea of aliens as a kid. I was scared of almost everything to be more exact. So I drew a series of “nice aliens” to help me cope with it. I had no idea of the counseling technique I was employing at the time. Looking back it is amazing what the brain is able to create to help you solve your problems.
There are many things that I have feared in life. For example I have a fear of heights that hasn’t gone away but I’m not as afraid anymore. I would get nervous if anyone would lean over the edge of a railing on the second level of the local shopping mall. Any higher than that and it only got worse. I suppose the fear of falling from such great heights is not irrational. I was so scared I wouldn’t even go up to the edge. Now I don’t mind as much but my heart still races when I’m nine or ten stories up and look over the edge. Last time we stayed at the Gaylord Texan hotel we stayed on the very top floor overlooking the inside atrium. I did go up to the rail and look over. But not for long. Some activities that I do now like indoor rock climbing include heights but I don’t really look down. The fear prevents me sometimes from going all the way up but I’m not scared like I once was.
I used to be very afraid of the dark. I would not go into a room without being able to have a light on. As a kid I had a elaborate plan of turning on and off certain light switches in the next room in order to never have to go through a dark room. I used to sleep with a night light on for the longest time but I’m over that now. In fact I prefer it to be pitch black when I sleep.
One time on a haunted hayride around Halloween I buried my head in my mom’s lap the entire time. I was afraid of the Headless Horseman. I did not want to lose my head. Who would? Also scary movies were of course scary to me. I did not watch much of any of them but I saw certain scenes that were more than enough for me. Scenes from Chucky made me fear the My Buddy doll. Scenes from IT had me suspicious of clowns. And I am sure there was more.
I was especially afraid aliens. All the crazy stuff in movies and TV made me really wonder what was out there. Movies like E.T., Independence Day, Alien, and Men In Black all were frightening. Although I didn’t see many movies about aliens I saw several previews for them. The idea used to terrify me. That whole Area 51 mystery and the like. One time when I had to go out in the backyard to remove stuff from the lawn so we could mow the yard the next day. I had to do something like a roll up the water hose and pick up spare toys. I did not dilly nor dally because I did not want to get abducted. I don’t know why aliens were so scary to me.
Speaking of other life forms…
To quote Yoda: “Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.”
I have dealt with much anger in my life as a result of this fear. I would be angry with my brothers and sisters for anytime they interrupted me. I’m still working on not being angry when interrupted. I would be angry at my parents for all sorts of reasons. I’m not even sure why now. But ultimately anything that was not the way I wanted it would make me angry. If you stop to think about this it really is a dumb idea. Most of life is not the way most people want it anyways. Yet people still act like things should be a certain way and get disgruntle when they’re not. I guess it has to do with people being comfortable and not wanting to be uncomfortable. That people don’t like different things or dealing with change.
One time my anger exploded into fury.
Some people who experience anger lose control of their minds and have no idea how they’re behaving. The time I lost my mind I can’t recall exactly what worked me up to that point. I knew I was angry. And I knew I was strong. I felt powerful. I was surging from the anger. Whatever set me off had no relation to the outcome of my release. I started punching my little brother furiously. I don’t remember how old he was at the time and I don’t think he had any idea what was going on. I didn’t. I wailed on him until I was ready to stop. It was one of the lowest points in my life. All I have to say about it is I am sorry Jonathan. I hope you’re able to forgive me. If you haven’t done so yet know this; that I’m truly apologetic for what happened that day.
Since that time in my life I have found healing, hope, and solace in Jesus Christ. My life now is nowhere near perfect but I have been transformed. I do not have deep anger as I once did. Now I let go of things and do not take them personally. When I do feel anger rising up I work to keep it in check. I examine what’s going on inside my head and try to evaluate the best way to handle it. Also I now have peace in my life and I’m not as worried about so many things. I do still need to work on worry but it’s nowhere near as bad as it once was. Nor am I afraid of things as much as I once was.
I am sure you have heard of Emotional Quotient (EQ) before. If not look into it. It kind of explains what I’m talking about. It has to do with the emotional side of life. That all of life is not just about intelligence (IQ) but also EQ. This might be a little bit nerdy but here is a quote from one of my text books I’ve been reading lately. “People with a low EQ when become angry, afraid, or depressed find themselves in an ever-widening spiral of emotions to the point where they are unable to think clearly or to make good decisions”. Furthermore, “It seems clear that people who learned over the years to manage their emotions also learned to manage their behavior better and their relationships better, which translates into more success in the social world of business”. And finally, “The good news is that EQ seems to be more responsive to learning activities than IQ. You can develop emotional skills, which will help enrich both your personal and your professional life” (Clawson, 158).
As you can see it is important in life to manage your emotions. It makes a difference not only in your day but in your life overall. You could carry around guilt, shame, fear, anger, hate and suffering like chains. Think the ghost of Jacob Marley in A Christmas Carol. if you so choose you can let it damper your day, keep you dark, depressed, down and out. Or you can release it and enjoy life and feel good. Work on being better! On taking care of yourself emotionally! It is important and feelings are nothing to scoff at. Ignoring them does not make them go away.
2. Find small ways to improve someone else’s day. Maybe give a compliment or word of encouragement.
3. Continue to work on stopping negative self talk.
4. Clean up the house more frequently. This might be silly but messy environments harbor negative emotions for me.
5. Remind others that there is more to life than work.
6. Continue to laugh often.
7. Read more. This helps me to understand and cope with emotions.
8. Continue to seek opportunities to help others. If you need something let me know and I will do everything I can to help you.
10. Continue working on always being kind.
For the record, I still don’t want to be abducted.
For people who want the reference info:
Clawson, J. (2012). Level Three Leadership: Getting Below the Surface (5th ed.). Prentice Hall.