Access Denied

I would like to say I deny myself access to everything because I am working on getting out of debt. And I really can’t afford to buy anything. Ever. But the closer to the truth is that I don’t deny myself anything. And that’s how I got so far in to debt.

I’m not in a ridiculous amount of debt. It is some college debt and credit cards. The typical American Dream Debt. Not too goo but not too bad either. But enough to be uncomfortable.

I think that I should deny myself more because I can’t afford anything really. I have a few cards with 20 percent interest rate. It’s not really prudent for me to be spending my money on other things. Yet I continue to do so because life happens. Sometimes I want things now and don’t have the money for it. But usually it isn’t wants. It is problems that come up. Kinda needs.


There’s always something.

Something comes up here and there. The car needs oil change. It needs to be done you can’t put it off. Then there is car repair. That needs to be done. I know the right thing to do is budget and plan for these expenses. But knowing and doing are very different things.

Some how you get into a situation where to can save money and make something better in the future but you have to pay more money now. Like switching our healthcare and stuff like that. Ideally I would like to not spend your money but life is always changing.

You’ve probably seen a dramatic change in gas prices. But now the gas is going up some. Finding that equilibrium point. It takes gas to get to work and so when it goes up I buy it. I’d rather not spend more money on things like that but what is the alternative? Loose my job? Not good.

Mostly it comes down to just plain spending. Honestly I need to fight more against spending my money because for every dollar I spend I worked for that and I should work to keep it too. It might be best to invest. If you can trust that system and all it’s hidden costs in feed. Or it’s okay to save it. Not so great because your money isn’t making money. But what is the easiest and fastest thing to do? Spend it.

I spend money so fast it’s ridiculous. Most of it goes to necessities: housing, food, water, electricity, etc. But then there is all the extras. The frills. I’m not against denying myself stuff. I’m not against getting a Starbucks drink here and there. The problem is it all adds up. Every cent, every nickle, every dime, every quarter…they all add up. Two dollars here and there. A dollar here. Five dollars there. Then we are $20 dollars short for our grocery budget.

I have been listening to this podcast by James and Claudia and they are talking to Tony Robbins. I’m really into what I’m hearing so far. Enough to look into getting the book. Part of the money issue is I’m a book buyer. I buy a lot of books. I have bought many and have sold several too.

I’m trying not to buy more things because I’m trying not to spend my money and also to get rid of more things in my life.

The saying is “You’ve got to spend money to make money”. Which might be true. But like a friend of mine once quipped:

I think there is a middle step in there that I am missing…

Spending money to learn might be “worth it” but it is still spending. I get the knowledge. I get the information. Then there is always a disconnect between where to go from there. I am trying to save money. I’m putting some away for retirement. But there is no guarantee there. These ideas for today are of things I deny myself permission to buy. Maybe it is going to take a different look. Maybe let’s take a different approach to this one.

Let’s see. I guess I have a problem with the denial. I’m in denial. I am NOT in denial. I don’t deny myself. It is like free access or free reign. The deal with that is like you need limiting setting and self control. Boundries. It is important to do the things that are good for you. But also you have to contain the way if you are constantly feelings and emotions and thoughts of what to do next. Where do you want to go?

Ultimately if I put my mind to it I get pretty much anything I wanted, to an extent. I mean obviously there’s some things I want that I haven’t been able to achieve. They’re more long term goals. They are things that take time. Years or decades even. My wife and I, even though we don’t really care much for home ownership, decided to get house to build some equity. Not much with all the interest we have to pay up front. That seems like a scam to me. But even the small amount we build plus the leverage we will have will help with future things. Such as our Yurt Retreat. We plan on building it in a little over 3 years, so check back with us and see.

“From the time we decided to contact our realtor friend to the time that we closed on our house it was a total 54 days.” When we put our minds to it we get things done. Making things happen doesn’t help with denying yourself things.

Because I don’t let money deny me thing I probably should, I had a thought of what ten things I deny myself to do. Time or otherwise. Almost along the same lines of Claudia’s example.

Day 25 of Claudia’s book Become An Idea Machine.

1. Reading Books.

I love to read. As of late I haven’t been because “I don’t have the time”. I really believe that saying that
“we all have the same 24 hours in a day”. The time is there. We just have to redeem it.

2. Resting.

I’m ok at it but want to be better. I want to stop feeling the need to push through. To grid. To keep on keepin’ on. Instead I want to really rest.

3. Volunteering.

I love to help others. I have not really done anything lately to volunteer. I need to find something again.

4. Taking chances.

Even though I am willing to do unusual things, I usually don’t. And so when nothing changes then nothing is interesting.

5. Talking more.

I am not as shy and reserved as I once was. But often times I let situations pass without talking much. With those I love, I love to talk. With those I don’t know well, I don’t say much. Without being annoying, I should talk more with others. Especially strangers.

6. Excuses.

I don’t allow myself to make excuses. If I do something wrong I admit it. If I don’t do something because I am lazy or don’t feel like it, I don’t make an excuse. I call it what it is and then accept it. It is better to live with truth then live a lie through excuses.

7. Travel.

I would love to travel more. It is not easy to enjoy a vacation when it is all going on a credit card. I want to be able to go more places. Even though they are all the same.

8. Adventure.

Along with travel comes adventure. I guess I feel like the older I have gotten the less spontaneity I have. I fear having fears. Ironic. Sometimes I would like to be more risky and less cautious. I am looking for adventure. I am just not searching very hard.

9. Forgetting.

There are some things in my life that are better forgotten. Allthough our experiences shape us and help us grow, now that I’ve learned from them I want not to recall them so frequently. Is it possible to learn the lesson but forget how you learned it?

10. Failing.

I deny myself the opportunity to make mistakes. I really should be more okay with them. To take more risks. To prevent failing, I never start. Which is a failure in another way. Plus honesty I do fail and just pretend I don’t. I seem able to forget thoses times…


The other day my wife and I discussed what would be the tipping point to start freeing ourselves from debt. What would be the minimal most thing to have happen to start real change? And once we discovered it, we made it happen the next day.

Here is to succes. We’ve tipped!


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